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Yay..
What deehell am i thinking by posting this thing!!?
do my guilt putting myself on the spot again??

Ok.. WHAT IF..

what if, i get laid by my friend?
how does it sound?

what if, the guy initiates the move while me trying to control over the situation?
and what if, i indulge..

what if, at first I'm so hesitant.. Then the next thing is.. i gave in..
what if, in every move he does, i feel like floating?..
what if, in every curves he's trying to explore i simply smile with full satisfaction?

what if after the ritual.. we did it again with full pack?
what if, he tried to recover his conscience and  i tried kissing him?
what if he kisses me back?
what if, i felt the longing with every stroke i make to his body?

what if, after that "night" we settle not to change anything between our friendship?
and what if, i felt "something"?

what if, i can't get it off outta my head?
what if, after that, i felt love?

what if, he doesn't care?
what if, i suffer too much because i felt something?
what if i really like him?

Yeah, i know.. it's my problem!
That's why:
What if?"



http://www.ehow.com/how_2155169_maintain-friendship-after-sex.html

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Bakit kasi nauso pa ung Friendster eh!



Anyway..

I got this natural High!!!!!!!!


Good thing my Ngage Phone has a Screenshot Feature.. Hehehe





He would always call me..
I think almost everyday during the first week after
we spent almost an hour in YM..

If this thing would end..

END it now puh-lease....

Because I think I'm falling in love again..
and again..
and again..
..
But the thing is: I dunno if we're "ok" or not..
If we're still in a relationship or what..
since we don't have any formal break up or closure
way back 2002..
How I wish I'll learn how to control myself..

SOMEBODY STOP MEEEEEEEE!!!


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It's Ninoy Aquino day today..
For me, given that it's non working holiday,
I chose to work.. hehe
There's unsked photoshoot somewhere in Laguna.
Upon meeting them, yay It's Enchanted Kingdom!
My Photog friend told me that I should go since he can't.
i said, it's ok, I'm willing.. even if it's free.. lol.
though I'm not a pro-photog - i got a talent..
Ahahahaha.. Artist from within..

So i did..

When I got there,
I thought I'm already in Korea?!!! Ahahaha
Everyone's korean! except for 2.. The pre-school teachers..
They kept on explaining what would be the setup, the covers..etc..
And I just simply answered, "Yes I know, My friend told me everything.. blah-blah!"

I wish I could post the pictures of the kids..
But Hell I cannot!!
It's in the contract..

Anyways, here's one snapshot..

More on My Multiply










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I don't personally know Ms. Cory Aquino.
What I knew back then when I was 4 yrs. old was Marcos was my godfather.
And my "godfather's" regime ended when the yellow sparrow won during the snap election.
For me, I saw Ms. Cory defeated my "godfather". I thought she's the kontrabida..
And it's a thought, for a while..
LOL, yeah it was a gag. My mom would joke me that
if I'm not going to eat veggies my godfather would not give my "pamasko"
Nyahahaha...
and It took another 3 years for me to realize the truth..[sic]
During that first 4 years. I am busy sucking my feeding bottle and while outside world,
everything is complicated.
It's my first birthday when Ninoy Aquino was assassinated.



The yellow sparrow shown a great pride and integrity.
It was during 1990 when i witnesses her kindness.
I was in my 2nd grade when Luzon earthquake broke-out.
And in 1992, she let go of the position that everybody been wanting to have.
I may not understood everything during her reign.
But when Fidel V. Ramos took the position for president.
That's when I knew that, greed was never in her dictionary.
Even during her presidency, she never abused her power.

Being a mother, wife and a simple individual.
She have shown great kindness, humbleness and sincerity to everyone.
The brave yellow sparrow already did her purpose.
She may now rest in peace with Ninoy Aquino.
The yellow sparrow taught us the dept of Democracy.
We shouldn't be tapped out.
Do we really have to wait for another great leader to be awakened?
Why wait if we can act now.
The essence of leaderships are all within us, it only needs to be tapped.

We bid goodbye. Our Yellow Sparrow.
Our Dear Cory Aquino.





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< ... >

Every night, I close my eyes only to sleep and dream another scene.
But every time I attempt to leave my subconscious, I usually hear some sounds.
It's very familiar.
And every time I hear those sounds, I can't help but to cry.
Why?
Because it's the voice of reasoning.
The voice of hope.
The voice of lost.
The voice of love.

They even talk to me even in dreams and even I hadn't one.
They're just there, lingering around my head.
I surprise myself by trying to decode all the messages.
And start learning.
And start acting.
I am really relief this time.
Because even if there's something into the deep,
I'll just pump it up and burst it where nobody knows.
I'll simply brokedown into tears.
And simply gathering all the broken pieces of myself.
And lay down of what's left of me.

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< ... >

I am physically happy but mentally tormented.
I am little bit confused of what am I supposed to feel right now.
I wanted to cry but there are no tears to pour out the angst.
I wanted to smile because I "think' I feel I am relief, but my lips are so stiff that it can even pull a little curve on my face.



What should I feel? I always asked myself but to no avail.
All the questions I've wanted to ask were all piled up
and I think it's biting me, little by little.



I feel like a ghost.
I don't want to flood my mind with lots of emotions.
It's like a hard disk waiting to crash. I am tired.
I am tired of using my feelings. I wanted to be Sai, an ANBU-Root member from Naruto Chronicles. He got no emotions.
He worked on his feelings thru book.
He even fakes his smile always.
He said to Haruno Sakura that
"A smile can get you out of a tough situation, even if it is fake.".
I've tried it before, but I cannot find comfort in it.

I am not saying I am in favor with "plastics".
We're talking about romance.
A feeling called love.
They say you have to be mushy and cheesy if you're in love.
Even a line from the song Light and Shade of Fra Lippo Lippi says that, "Be weak, if you want to love".
But I'll ask you, how many times should I be weak for someone?

I once lost a one great love, and I regret it.
Perhaps I'll be regretting it for the rest of my life.
So now, may be I am afraid, afraid to fall in love again.
Maybe I am destined to be single forever [sic].
Right now, I am still frozen with my past.
I can't tell you his name because he's married now.
I'm not asking him to come back.
Yes, honestly I am very much happy for him.
And I wish we'll be friends again.
But it would only be wishful thinking.
But every time I looked back, I can't help but to smile.
And sometimes I even shed a few tears.
I still even have those "memorabilia" hehe, I should have thrown them away.
But I chose not to. Why?
Those four years of my life were the best. I tried to forget him though.
But I end up thinking of him.
Right now, even though he hates me or he doesn't want to see me nor hear my voice, he inspired me.
Yes! He taught me how to love, unconditionally.
He taught me how to be obedient. Hehehe.
So he might not know it, but he's more of me.
Right now, after the break up with my recent relationship.
I am more focused on my job. It's the least that I can do to get by.
A line from the movie Ever After said that "It's better to love and lost, than to never love at all".
I guess he's right.
And the line that says "I love and I hurt but I want to keep on hurting"
from Korean movie Lover's Concerto" were as true as I am feeling right now.
I love and I am hurt from it,
but I want to keep on hurting,
meaning I want to fall in love again.

Yay!
That was so chessy!

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Sha la la... itsuka kitto
Boku wa te ni surunda
Hakanaki mune ni sotto
Hikari moete yuke

Aitaku naru no SHOUTOU
Naki taku naru no JUNJOU
Natsu no hi ni tobi konda
Hotaru wa kae ra nai

Anata wa nani mo iwazu
Kuchizuke o nokoshite
Kizutsu ku mama una zui nare
Kanashii hodo inochi yurameite ita

Sha la la... itsuka kitto
Boku wa te ni surunda
Hakanaki mune ni sotto
Hikari moete yuke

Sha la la... itoshiki hito
Anata mo miete iru no
Mamayui tsuki ga sotto
Ashita o tera shite

Tsuyoku tsuyoku kagayaite...

Aitaku naru no SHOUTOU
Naki taku naru no JUNJOU
Natsu no hi ni tobi konda
Hotaru wa kae ra nai

Anata wa nani mo iwazu
Kuchizuke o nokoshite
Kizutsu ku mama una zui nare
Kanashii hodo inochi yurameite ita

Sha la la... itsuka kitto
Boku wa te ni surunda
Hakanaki mune ni sotto
Hikari moete yuke

Sha la la... itoshiki hito
Anata mo miete iru no
Mamayui tsuki ga sotto
Ashita o tera shite

Tsuyoku tsuyoku kagayaite...

Aitaku naru no SHOUTOU
Naki taku naru no JUNJOU
Natsu no hi ni tobi konda
Hotaru wa kae ra nai

Anata wa nani mo iwazu
Kuchizuke o nokoshite
Kizutsu ku mama una zui nare
Kanashii hodo inochi yurameite ita

Sha la la... itsuka kitto
Boku wa te ni surunda
Hakanaki mune ni sotto
Hikari moete yuke

Sha la la... itoshiki hito
Anata mo miete iru no
Mamayui tsuki ga sotto
Ashita o tera shite

Tsuyoku tsuyoku kagayaite...

Aitaku naru no SHOUTOU
Naki taku naru no JUNJOU
Natsu no hi ni tobi konda
Hotaru wa kae ra nai

Anata wa nani mo iwazu
Kuchizuke o nokoshite
Kizutsu ku mama una zui nare
Kanashii hodo inochi yurameite ita

Sha la la... itsuka kitto
Boku wa te ni surunda
Hakanaki mune ni sotto
Hikari moete yuke

Sha la la... itoshiki hito
Anata mo miete iru no
Mamayui tsuki ga sotto
Ashita o tera shite

Tsuyoku tsuyoku kagayaite..

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Yay - He's my Prince from Greece!

It's Him! It's Him!

Harlo, Agapi Mou <3

I met him way back in 1995..
From 4th Yr Highschool to 1st Yr College in OLOPSC..
At first, we talked more on phone..
Until we decided to take it to the next level..
But 1 year had passed..
We both lost in communication..
<i>We never broke up, there's no closure.</i>
The next thing I knew was - He already had a GF,
And me having a BF too..
How did I knew?
Ahahaha

Our path crossed in Sta. Lucia East Mall..
Both parties had "chaperone"
The time stopped, because we're both waving to each other!!
My ex-BF pull my elbow and his ex-GF did the same thing..




Ahahahaha..

Then When I transferred to Trinity..
We decided to see each other again..
Just to talk.. We talked about each other's relationship.



And we can't do anything..
Since we chose not to hurt our partners..

That was the last time I saw and talked to him..
He's nice.
And I dunno what could be the reason, why we cannot end up to each other..

Until...

I was browsing my friends list in Friendster when the thought of finding
him crossed my mind..

and so I did..

WOW Harlo Igama.. > Add as a friend > successfully added.


After a week..





WOW..

Destiny? Fate? or some thing?

He just showed  again..
And I'm kinda nervous about it..
What if he say hello when all that he meant was to say goodbye???

I hate the feeling that I'm feeling right now..
But I love the fact that the feeling that I hate..
Is the feeling that I missed.
Oh gawds..

I wish God would be generous enough to make him stay..
I still love him..
And the Sparks keep on flying along my way!!!



Ahahahaha
I know someday we'll be together..
A heart that beat as one will be a whole better heart!




Yabyu Harlo, Agapi Mou..



YAY!!


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We talked a while ago, I called him on his cellphone.
after 20minutes, I hanged up first.


This is it.

It's the last call.


Am I crying?
No.
Maybe after a week.

We cannot settle things up.

I am tired.



So tired.

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Rhon visited me today and handed me 2 packs of KitKat.
In return, I said "Ano to? Suhol?" sabay tawa.



Hay, our relationship is extremely floating right now.
we're drifting apart from from each other.
He needed to attend his father.
And I am so super busy myself.
We seldom see each other.
We seldom talk on the phone.
The odds are not against us.
It's that the timing was always on the other side.
Patience. Patience.


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